please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
