He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
