dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
