I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize