A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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