Just cropdusted the office
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
This is my gift to your gina
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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