This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
