she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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