Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
