I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
