My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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