I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
