**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
