I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
