i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
