This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
