I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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