So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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