After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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