I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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