So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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