Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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