take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize