I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
