I think I died a long time ago.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
