Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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