New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
