I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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