I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
