apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
