they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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