I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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