if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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