I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
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