My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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