I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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