I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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