Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
