she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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