Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
my liver is dry heaving
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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