when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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