Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
