she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize