Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
