i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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