I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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