at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm just crazy horny about you
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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