I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
How naked do you want me to be?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
