I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
