no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
