Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
did i walk over a car last night?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
