Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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