i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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