if i can run in heels then i can drive
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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