If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Randomize
