Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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