I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
