hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
