Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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