Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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