He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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