You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
