Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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