you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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