i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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