He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
