im holly from the hills drunk
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
