if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
