Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
