You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
time to smoke my breakfast
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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