Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
