My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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