Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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