My hair reeks of homosexuality.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
