The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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