mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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