god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
