My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
