I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize