I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
