Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He better not be in your backpack
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I touched a dick in church today
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize