It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
