16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
