If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
