There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
