i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
