sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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