i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
