I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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