he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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