i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
